Disclaimer: Even in my dreams, they own me.
Summary: A shiver down the spine could mean so much.
A/N: Belated birthday gift to the ever amazing Heechul. Because you are the man <3 Also, for 100 SJ Fic Challenge
A shiver down the spine.
Little skittering vibrations that gathered at the base of his skull; accumulating enough momentum before shooting down the long spinal cord with the speed and intensity of a fireball.
He trembled slightly at the sensation.
He was not a caution person by nature. Perhaps it had something to do with his childhood. When you had the chance to do all sorts of crazy things as a child and still got away with it because of a pretty face and a smirk to die for, it was hard to instill any form of care within him. It might be why he had been so outspoken and wild. The freedom drugged him. He was free; free to fly anywhere, be whatever he wanted, say whatever he wanted to say. Knowing that his actions would affect him and him alone. He lived off the intoxication; the liberation that the chill down his spine would bring.
You could almost say that the chill was an omen. A sign of some sort.
Women had their women intuition. Kim Heechul had his little tingles, quivers and his spine.
Right after he finished his spur-of-the-moment dance, he had already felt the tremor. And knew instantaneously, before they could even utter a word, that he was already in.
But it wasn't long before he learnt that those little quivers that shook his nervous system, the bringer of good news and victories, weren't always what they seemed.
He had his first rude awakening when he realized that people looked down on the poor trainees who had to live off instant noodles that apparently weren't enough good enough to be considered as dog food. He felt them. A sudden lance of cold that had him shaking from unexpectedness and nearly spilling the bowl of noodles, right before those disgusting words slipped past the woman's lips.
He remembered how it stung when the rude woman made her snide remark. His temper flared at her words but he had to rein them in for the sake of his friends. And really, no one can really ignore hunger pangs. Even if it was something he would have never admitted out loud at that time or ever.
The second time it happened, it was when he was told that Four Seasons wasn't going to cut it. That all that pain and all-nighters had all been for naught. Whenever he thought of that very moment, all his mind could ever conjured was a series of blurred images. Filled with broken things and even messier rooms. Wreckage blazing a trail. No more.
When it was announced he was going to be placed in a new project group called Super Junior 05, streams of cold spikes shot through him. By now, he had became suspicious of his intuition. Past experiences had taught him that it was never good news. Not since he started in this company. In fact, he was starting to think that that shiver he felt during his audition was an omen of the suffering he had to endure.
He had tried leaving the company several times. Even came close to succeeding at one point, but somehow, his inner devil-child never relinquished control over him. Always egging him to go back. To take up whatever new opportunity that the company had to offer this time. He wasn't stupid. He knew he was something special. That he broke more unspoken rules than he cared to count from the very moment the words "You're in" were spoken out loud. That the company had made far too many exceptions just for him. Had any other trainee attempted even the tiniest fraction of what he had been doing all this while, they would have been kicked out and replaced. Without any consideration.
But he stuck it out. He wanted to at least try. At least if he had failed, he could argue that he had tried. A big IF.
Because he was Kim Heechul.
And Kim Heechul never fails.
So they debuted. And he was slightly impressed by the fact that they fared better than he had expected them to be. Their teamwork was still shaky at best and he still got the feeling that some of the members were intimidated by him. Not that he blamed them. The other trainees might have fed them tales stemming from his infamous reputation. He really couldn't care less about what they thought because they were a rotational group. Being the second oldest, he knew his time was up.
And then it happened.
The little trembling down his spine that he had forgotten amidst the packed schedules and zero sleeping hours.
The door slid open and those fateful words had tilted his world off its scale once again.
"Listen up. This is Kyuhyun. He's going to be the new and last recruit to Super Junior 05. Congratulations guys. Super Junior is now a permanent group."
This time, he couldn't help but trembled at the sheer power behind those words.
Years have come and gone. He would be lying if he said that things haven't gone for a roller coaster ride since that fateful moment.
But he would be strike down by lighting if he said he hadn't enjoyed the ride and all that shivers, quivers, trembles, and cold that came along with it.
After a while, he had learned to tell the difference between the good shivers and the bad shivers.
Anything that came close to the car accident? Bad. All of it. That included the masks, the other accident, the lawsuits. It meant pain, humiliation, indignation and shaking the very foundation of his understanding. It meant crying and putting every skill he ever learnt in acting class to good use. It meant being lost and unwanted. Abandoned and hurt.
Anything that came close to Super Junior's first win? Good. Fantastic. And if he was being sentimental, he would say the feeling was close to being in heaven. The giddiness. The smirks that conquered the hearts of millions. The witty remarks that made light of every achievement yet served to amplified and glorified every single one of them. It meant belonging and cared for, knowing that there will always be an open door and arms waiting for him to fall into if he ever felt lost and hopeless.
It meant home.
Once, he was lost. Disinterested. Lost the passion he had long ago for the arts. Had spent his days pondering before making a decision to leave the one thing that had anchored him in ways that even he never thought it could. No amount of alcohol could have masked the way he shook as shiver after shiver made their way down his spine, torturing his spinal column from their sheer intensity, screaming and demanding.
Now, time passed on. Life moved on. Their careers moved on. Most importantly, Kim Heechul moved on. An infinite amount of shaking and unexpected words from the home he nearly abandoned, he dusted himself and picked himself up. Slowly picking up the little shards that he had dropped along the way. Discovered the passion he had thought was lost forever. Started singing again. Because he wanted to.
He felt a chilling shiver spiraling down gently as he waited for his cue to get on stage to perform.
It felt good. Comforting. Relic of the past finally returned.
He smirked as he walked out the stage.
Kim Heechul is back.
And he is never going to let anyone forget that.
A/N: Partly inspired by M&D debut performance. Are they the most incredible group or what? I'm in awe watching Jungmo's one man band and Heechul's typical idontgiveashitaboutwhatyouthink attitude. I miss the diva :)